As we get close to entering the new year, you might be considering what changes you want to make in your life in 2026. The new year can be a valuable time to reflect on what areas of your life you may want to look at differently. Advice around what changes to make and how to make them is plentiful. But a lot of this information doesn’t account for the unpredictability and demands that come in motherhood.
In this article, I’ll be covering four points to consider when setting goals for change. Hopefully, after reading, you will feel better equipped to make changes that are meaningful, impactful, and sustainable in your life.
1- Making Changes for Yourself, Not Approval
With 90% of mums feeling judged about their parenting, it probably feels tempting to try and make changes that will please others. Feeling judged is really hard. Our need for approval from those around us is shaped by how we have evolved, and judgement can easily leave you feeling deflated, tense, or inadequate.
But changing to please others rarely works. Sadly, no matter what you do, there will almost always be someone who disagrees or judges your choices. It’s also really difficult to sustain motivation when the goals are not meaningful to you. If you are finding other people’s criticism is negatively impacting you, look out for a future blog post where I will be discussing this topic more.
When considering change, it can be valuable to spend time connecting with what feels important and worthwhile to you. One useful reflection tool is the wheel of life. Using the diagram below, you can rate from one to ten how satisfied you are with the different aspects of your life. If the categories don’t feel relevant, then you can just change them for other categories which do represent your life better. Once completed, the wheel can highlight areas that feel out of balance. This gives a helpful starting point for considering what you may want to change.
2- Becoming Motivated by Care, Not Criticism
Like many, your motivation to change may come from a critical inner voice. That’s the voice that’s telling you that you are not enough and need to change in order to be acceptable. Starting from this place can create short-term changes, but rarely works out in the long run.
When we are self-critical, this activates the part of our brain that is linked to fear, anger, and stress. When the self-critic is driving change, it usually looks like this: you try, you feel easily overwhelmed, a set-back naturally pops up, you are left feeling even more inadequate. From this place, it’s really hard to keep moving forward with your goal.
Making changes from a place of self-care is a more sustainable, enjoyable and effective approach. This involves starting from a place where you are already enough but choosing to make changes which will leave you feeling better, growing, and enjoying your life more.
Relating to yourself in this caring way activates the brain’s soothing and care systems. In this state you are less likely to become overwhelmed by changes and, when setbacks happen, you are better able to pick yourself back up and continue moving forward (more on that later).
Moving away from an inner critical voice takes time. It’s likely that your inner critic has developed over many years. Instead of trying to silence it outright, a more effective approach is to strengthen your inner caring and compassionate voice. Over time, this will lead to the caring voice being louder than the critical voice.
One way that you can start developing your caring, compassionate self is by considering how your posture, facial expression, and tone of voice impact how you relate to yourself. This is something that you can try in small bursts and whenever possible throughout the day. Then, when difficult times hit, you will have built a more compassionate voice to start drawing upon.
- Body posture. Self-criticism tends to cause the body to fold in on itself. Practising an open, upright, and sturdy posture can lead to you feeling more confident and receptive.
- Facial expression. Our facial muscles indicate to our brain how we are feeling. Trying to move to a warm, friendly facial expression can be impactful. You can think about what your face does when you see somebody you care about.
- Tone of voice. Our voice tone often mirrors our emotional state. Try practising a warm, caring tone of voice when talking to yourself.
3- Moving Forward After a Setback
Making change as a mum requires resilience as it’s very likely that along the way, you will face disruptions or setbacks. A big part of creating long-lasting change is the ability to pick yourself up and keep going, even when things do not go as planned. This is where self-compassion becomes valuable again.
Being self-compassionate after a setback firstly involves noticing and acknowledging any distress you are feeling in a warm and caring way. It isn’t easy having a setback. You may consider how you would treat a friend if they were in a similar situation and then try and direct that way of being towards yourself.
Treating yourself in a compassionate way also allows you to stay open and reflect honestly on what happened without being critical or harsh with yourself. From this place, you are better able to learn and grow through the challenges and support yourself to keep making changes.
4- Building in Flexibility
Your capacity to make changes is not completely in your control when you’re a mum.
Much of the advice around goal setting encourages setting specific goals and creating clear plans for how change will happen. In reality, even with motivation and commitment, the unpredictability and demands of motherhood can make it difficult to work on goals in the ways you had imagined.
Flexibility becomes important when setting goals in motherhood. For the times when illness happens, the nursery closes, emotional meltdowns have completely drained you, or something else unexpected happens.
Rather than focusing on which milestones are reached, it can be more realistic to focus on your intentions and the direction you want to move in. This might look like…
‘I will read for 20 minutes every evening’ becomes something like…
‘I want to make time to read more this year because I know it brings me joy and relaxation. Most days there is a little time in the morning or evening when I’m on my phone while my child is asleep. On the days it feels possible, I will try to replace some of that phone time with reading.’
With this approach, you are still reflecting on the areas of your life you want to prioritise and the direction you want to move in. At the same time, you are not setting yourself up to fail by defining success as a fixed and possibly unattainable target.
You might be someone who feels anxious or overwhelmed by the idea of approaching goals more flexibly. If so, the unpredictability of motherhood can feel disorienting, stressful, and demotivating. Learning to adapt your approach so that you can cope and grow in this new stage of life is not easy, but it is possible over time.
A helpful way to start is by experimenting with small areas where you can gently let go of control and notice what changes this brings to your overall life. As with any change you are trying to make in life, it’s normal to meet resistance and set-backs along the way. But any tiny steps forward add up over time and lead to significant changes.
Final Thoughts
Making changes in life is hard. Making changes as a mum is doing it on hard mode. As you approach goals, remember that even tiny changes matter and learning to relate to yourself in a more caring and compassionate way is part of the process.
If 1:1 support feels valuable as you consider making meaningful change in your life, then I offer a free 20-minute introduction call. This is a chance for us to discuss what therapy together could look like and for you to ask any questions you may have. You can book here.
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